Cute Love Story
Dear Boyfriend
Dear Darling Boyfriend,
There are some things I'd like to know. Things like the
fact you think that I'm way cuter than Jessica Alba or that
my eyes are more sparkling than the Pacific Ocean can be
expressed on a regular basis. Daily even. However there
are some things I would rather you keep to yourself**, namely:
Which of my girlfriends you think is cute
I adore my girls and think their awesomeness is beyond
words. However there's a difference between me thinking
they're gorgeous, and you thinking they're gorgeous. Please
keep up the charade that you're totally oblivious to the
extent of my friend's attractiveness.
Anything related to bodily functions
Remember the last in depth conversation we had about that
gross infection I got from my last pedicure? You don't?
That's coz I choose not to share those things with you.
Where possible, please refrain from describing such things
as what exactly came out when you last went to the toilet,
or what your last bout of flatulence smelled like. We have
to keep that air of mystery going, right?
Who picked out my last birthday present
I know deep down that the idea to get me the 'heart tag
bracelet' from the Tiffany & Co ''Return to Tiffany''
collection was as likely to be your idea as me being genuinely
interested in our last conversation about my car's engine
- but I know ou tried. I don't need to know how said present
actually ended up in m jewellery box, only that you loved
me enough to do it.
What you've told your friends
No matter how vehemently boys deny they gossip, the truth
is you guys are probably worse than us. So I've accepted
the fact that your friends are probably privyy to the details
of our hook ups; but so I don't die of embarrassment the
next time I have to see your mates, please be considerate
enough not to mention what you've told them. I just couldn't
look Mick and Davo in the eye otherwise.
Your ex-girlfriend anything
There's a little game I like to play in my head that revolves
around the fact that no other girl existed in your life
before me. No one. So the fact your ex is now a Nobel Prize
winning, Harvard graduate who looks like Gisele on a good
day? Yeah, I don't really need to know.
Having got all this out in the open, I'm confident we
can only anticipate smooth sailing and relationship bliss
the likes of which can only be seen in Hugh Grant movies
in future. Perhaps you should cut this out and keep it somewhere
easily visible?
Love, Me X
*There's a difference between 'keeping something to yourself'
and 'lying'. The difference being, that lying will earn
you banishment to Boyfriend Siberia the likes of which you've
never seen.
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